Ok, I have decided. . .

I remember why I don't read this now . . . First my smart-ass tendencies come out in full force and I can hardly stop myself from being a jack-ass (something I am not usually fond of being). Second, I read about 400 pages or so per week already, I don't need to sit for hours reading some of the novels you all put out. Don't get me wrong, I love you all and I would totally kill for you, but I still like the phone. That brings me to another point. . . why do I HAVE to answer my phone? If I choose not to it isn't because I dislike or don't want to hear from someone, but perhaps I am crowning and giving birth to my own monster poop baby . . . or maybe Amy is getting freaky and we need a little alone time (like grandma and papa in the recliner . . . Ray!). So lets not get all bent out of shape if phones aren't being answered, it's nothing personal,and if it is I sure as hell will tell you. Right now I have one regret, and that is how I have bad mouthed Utah to you mom. Believe me when I do it, I am not thinking of the copes in the least (Cami is not a Cope anymore), I am mainly speaking of . . . well, let me stop right there before I dig myself deeper in my hole of shame.
If you want to hear about health problems, I'm not sure but I may have one or two . . . if I am taking more than one monster shit a day, not the green kind, but the kind that make you emotional because it is as though you just gave birth, is that normal? I'm not worried about being normal in the sense of "fitting in" but more in the way that considering how much I can shit in any given day, I should be the size of one of those crazy, starving, Ethiopians, you know .?
If younger children such as Brian read this I apologize for my language, but lets face it, its not the first time he has heard me swear, nor will it be the last. I still remember Jason's dumbfounded look as he nearly drove off the road down in Florida when I told Brian that if he touched me with that booger, I was going to sit on his face and shit down his throat . . . I'm telling you, I cannot always control what comes out of my mouth, it's not a matter of a broken filter, because usually I am very aware of what and how I am saying something, but when I go into that fight-or-flight mode, the most urgent and to the point thing I can get out of my mouth sometimes even surprises me. Now you can all judge me because of this, believe me I am use to it where I currently live, or you can simply (one of Amy's most hated phrases) "just love me."